Arcane Rum Cake
contributed by Lord Winstrom

1 or 2 quarts rum
1 cup butter
1 tablespoon sugar
2 large eggs
1 cup pecans, walnuts or almonds
1 cup dried fruit
1 tablespoon baking powder
1 tablespoon lemon juice
1 cup brown sugar

Before you start, sample the rum to check for quality. Select a large mixing bowl, get the ingredients together, etc...
Check the rum again -- it must be just right. To make sure it is of the highest quality, pour 1 cup of rum into a glass and drink it quickly. Repeat.
With a mixer beat 1 cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of thugar and beat again.
Better check the rum to make thure it is of the highest quality -- have another cup. Open a shecond quart if neccshish... if neccshish-- if you're running low.
Add 2 large leggs, 2 cups fried druit and beat till high. If the fruit gets schtuck in the beaters, just pry it loose with a dragger.
Shample the rum again, checking for tonscisticy, consticstistsney, make sure it shtill tastes okay.
Sift 3 cups of pepper or salt -- it really doesn't matter a damn -- and shample the rum again.
Sift 1/2 pint of lemon juice, fold in chopped butter and strained nuts. Add brown thugar or whatever the hell color you can find.
Mixsh well. Grease oven and turn cake pan 350 degrees. I dunno why, itsnot my damned recipe. Pour the whole damn mess into the oven and bake at 60 degrees for 350 minutes.
Check rum again and go to bed.